In Canada, but not of Canada: Searching for Belonging

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I have lived in Canada for 8 years. I have a citizenship. I prefer to speak and read in English. I go to “Tim-Hor-Tnz” every morning. I say sorry for literally everything-there is nothing more Canadian than that. But if you were to ask me where I am from, I would look you in the eye and proudly tell you that I am Brazilian. That home is, and will always be there. I cannot deny that Canada is a part of who I am. I made a life here. I have built routines and relationships. I have learned its social and cultural norms. But I still feel that I don't belong. People are cold and distant. They keep to themselves. They do everything in their power to avoid eye contact with you on the subway. They nod or simply ignore you when you say “good morning” or ask them how they are doing. Relationships feel shallow, superficial, transactional. Friendships are built slowly, if not at all. I will never get used to that. Brazil was always a community. A warm, amiable and cohesive place. People took care of each other. You could meet someone on the street, and the next day you would be at their house for dinner. Maybe I am being overly critical. You cannot expect that everything will be the same in different places. Countries have distinct cultural practices, traditions and rituals. Adapting is an inherent part of the immigrant experience. It takes time to feel like you belong. And in theory, Canada is a place that values and welcomes all cultures. However, when you arrive, you realize that this is all performative. That people are segregated into ethnic enclaves. That cultural expressions are not fully embraced, but simply superficially acknowledged. I was often labelled as “the Brazilian kid,” as someone too loud and intense who only liked to play soccer and party. As a result, I struggled to fit into contexts that did not match those definitions. Although I picked up some of those “Canadian” traits, most of my relationships are with Brazilians and Latinos. It is with them that I feel like I matter. That I feel that I am close to home. Perhaps that is what I should focus on. Not on where, but with who I belong. 

By Pedro Cajado Pimentel

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