Care as Universal Experience and Subjective Reality

 

My grandmother recently celebrated her 85th birthday. What a milestone! She and my grandfather held a small breakfast to celebrate it. There have been many celebrations and occasions like it before, but I had not been especially observant to those. My grandparents have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As I grew, my mother’s parents were there every step of the way, at my highest points, lowest points and everything in between. I have had the privilege of being a part of their lives, despite the age gap. In spending more time with my grandparents I came to recognize that care is an aspect of daily life that is so ubiquitous it can go completely unnoticed. I find myself more often aware of its absence now than its presence. Simple acts - like my grandmother making a delicious breakfast of fruit, eggs, plantain and homemade coconut bake, and serving her family before she serves herself and joins us, or my grandfather making sure I had pineapple slices while sharing his memories about his mother’s taste for pineapple - these were interactions characterized by care and sentimentality. While spending time with my grandfather, I understood more about his thinking and decision-making too, and why he made certain decisions, in particular about his health. He thought about my grandmother, his children and us, the grandchildren, as well as himself. He was concerned about how his health and wellbeing affected those around him, who in turn care about him and whom he knew would be willing to inconvenience themselves to care for him, if the need arose. I also became more acutely aware of the difference between empathy and pity when I went for walks around the neighborhood with my grandfather. Some people are fortunate to be cared for and we can understand each other’s experiences without necessarily being pitied and pitying each other. These experiences helped me to understand how luckily care, in various forms, has been a central part of my life.

 

By Zachary Figuera 

(Photo credit, Zachary Figuera, my grandparents)